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Fanfic related meltdown

Definitely just forgot to save my fanfic to my computer before posting to community. Tips? Help? Anything? Wahhh.

so, has it really been that long?

I cannot believe how long it's been since my last update. I'm appalled, really. But I've had so much going on. First of all, I spent a small amount of time in a mental hospital. More about that later. For now, I'm just going to sum it up and say that it was well, insane...no pun intended. But, now I believe I'm somewhat better, and things are going...okay, not good, not great, but not bad either. And I'm thankful for that.

so far gone now...

Oh I'm losing my mind...

the boyfriend's out of town for the next week or so, and every time he doesn't text/call, or reply to me ASAP, my paranoia starts setting in. he's on some church trip, and I totally understand that he's busy with stuff..but still, I feel like I'm just being an annoying, needy girlfriend. and I fucking hate being needy. ughh...shoot me.

I'm Baaaack!

All apologies for the brief hiatus. I've been majorly busy with finals and shit. so I'm pretty sure I mentioned my new boyfriend last time I posted. We've been together for a little over a month now, and things are going great. Long story short, he's fucking perfect. The only thing is...I'm not. and I'm like, 99.9% sure his family is aware of this. Within the first two weeks of our relationship, his mother found nude pictures of me on his phone. Yes, I am aware of how ridiculously stupid sending nude pics is, but whatever, I did it. So, she's actually sure that I'm a huge slut. It's beginning to make me believe I'm just not good enough for him.

show me love.

Okay, so it's definitely been a while since I've posted. Well, I met a guy. And he's really great. perfect for me, actually. Most the guys I've been with are total assholes, junkies, or just generally bad people. But this one's way different. I'm totally stoked about it actually. I haven't been this happy in a really long time.

let me clip your dirty wings

bonus points if you know what song the title's from.

so, I just got back from visiting Clearwater with my family. It actually wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. I almost always hate going on vacations with my family, unless I'm allowed to bring someone else along. I'm an only child, and I always find it excruciating and embarrassing to be seen out with both of my parents. I feel like a fucking loser. That wouldn't be a problem if we just stayed at home, where my friends are, but they insisted on going somewhere and I was forced to go with him.

Luckily, I spent most of the time on my own, tanning at the beach or at the pool. so, all in all it wasn't too bad. anyway, I really desperately want to get a Nirvana related tattoo. My father's convinced that tattoos are a symbol of the devil, and my mother isn't exactly fond of the idea, but I could care less. I'm already sort of designing one, but I can't draw worth crap. Anyone wanna help?

bleed like me

I am so sick of all this shit. I hate bitching and moaning about my life and wallowing around in my teen angst but I seriously need to get out of my goddamn house. I hate my family, I hate my house, I hate my life, I hate all of it. I just want out. Ugh. I'm almost certain I don't have the resources to get legally emancipated, but I seriously wish I did. My mother constantly, incessantly insults me. This morning she told me I looked like an ape. An ape! I DO NOT look like an ape, or any other primate that is not human, for that matter. I cannot take it anymore. I'm going out of my mind. I hate it. All of it. I hate this fucking town and I want to leave. NOW. It's all just too much for me. For anyone. I mean, seriously, you're supposed to be able to just like, relax and not be insanely stressed when you're at home, right? I can never have that. It's always insults, fights, arguments. It NEVER ends. No matter what I do, nothing is good enough. It all sounds so fucking stupid and cliche, I know. But this is legit, I'm not exaggerating. fuck this. fuck all of it.

Happy Zombie Jesus Day!!!

I'm almost certain that I've gained at least three pounds in chocolate today. I love Easter. My parents still give me a basket and everything. My mother's still holding onto my youth as if I believed in the Easter Bunny. She does the same thing at Christmas with Santa Clause. Anyway, I got a shitload of candy and some other stuff. I devoured most of the candy within a few hours. I'm soo not used to consuming that much sugar. Not surprisingly, I crashed and ended up sleeping for like, 6 and a half hours. Normally, I'd be pissed that I'd slept through like, half the day, but it's Easter and I'm so not above laying around the house and consuming ridiculous amounts of sugar on Easter...it's a holiday tradition.

10 Things I'm Lovin this Week

So, I wanted to talk about how much I love spring break, and eventually that evolved into a shitload of different things I'm all about right now, so I decided to make a weekly list. Here's the first one:

10:

Peeps. Easter's tomorrow, and this is a classic Easter candy. Plus, as a vegiterian, this is the only kind of chicken you'll ever get me to eat.

9:

ShanaLogic Cupcake Scarf. I fucking love cupcakes, and I adore this scarf.

8:

Classic video game cupcakes.

7:


Le'Whif Chocolate Inhaler.

6:

Customized guitar picks for your sweetheart.

5:

Hello Kity scale. I need this

4:

Hello Kitty Toaster.

3:

Bakerella Cupcake Pops. soo cute, soo yummy.

2:

Nirvana Cake Pop. also from Bakerella.

1:

Argiris Karras. He plays Riley on Degrassi, and I think he's the single most adorable person I've ever seen.

get baked.

Today was the first day of my spring break. I did absolutely nothing. I spent the entire day baking in the sun, and then under a tanning bed. And I'm actually totally fine with it...really. Normally I hate just laying around doing nothing, but today it was really relaxing. Anyway, I'm not really sure what I'm going to do with myself for the next week and a half. I haven't really bothered to make any plans.

I don't know if it's from being out in the sun or something, but I'm totally out of it and sort of emotionally drained. I'm kind of on auto-pilot with my keyboard right now...I almost don't even know what I'm typing. I should also probably get to bed. I'm majorly exhausted. Night. xo